HEARTS IN MY WAY

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I don\’t know very well how to start telling this story, I don\’t even know if I will tell it well, but I will try.

It all started on December 8th 2016, the day of the Virgin and my last “walk” with Agustina. At that time her advanced illness did not allow her to leave the house, nor resist the tiredness of her body, invaded by cancer, after a fight like no other for more than 17 years. It was a gray day, raining a bit and it was cold as well; but it was a beautiful day, an unforgettable experience. We were able to share and reach a moment of absolute connection, which would forever transform our lives.

Veronica, our great friend and teacher, a being of light, invited us to recover energies at the “El Tundunqueral” Hill in Uspallata (Mza). We were there from the morning knowing and experiencing the energy of the place. At that time Veronica was our spiritual guide and family psychologist, and on many occasions she told us about this magical energy portal. She told us about the people she had been able to take, how powerful it was, and at the same time so mysterious…a corner of peace.

 

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That day, in the afternoon, as we got ready to return to the city, we did a closing meditation. At the end of the tour, something prompted me to take a memory of the place. I chose a simple floor stone, just that, a random memory that I wanted to keep. As I entered the truck ready to return, I showed them, as something had caught my attention. It was then that, when supporting the stone in the hands of Veronica, who began to explain the meaning of the stones, that it broke into two parts. One of them was transformed into a perfect Heart.

Already at home, days later, I found a few stones in the back garden. I held them and observed them for a moment and put them in my office to keep. Weeks later, out of curiosity, I looked at them again, and in my hands again one of them was reeling and for the second time, a perfect heart was formed in my hands.

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From that moment, with the passing of days, days full of sadness and desolation, other hearts were appearing, more and more often they illuminated my path. They were not only stones, but they also manifested themselves in all ways, in different places and situations. All this that seemed so strange was so real at the same time. I could and can still see them, photograph them, touch them and share them with my loved ones. At the point of telling my family and friends what was happening to me, what was happening to us, because it was something that was born of love, of the bond we had with Agustina. She also appeared in different ways… in spots on a napkin, in lights and shadows… more and more often and more special… and despite all the pain, we felt it was something very special that took care of us and accompanied us in such a subtle and beautiful way.

At the same time, from Italy, Guillermo shared the sadness of what was happening to us. Friendship and passion had united us more than ever. I admit that it is not easy to work in these circumstances, but he helped us to move forward together through the same dream, which seemed increasingly distant. This pain we were going through, it transformed him and his family, and taught new paths … paths of hearts, confirming that we are connected for some mysterious reason. And I would not be telling this story if it were not for him, or for Ale, Marian, Fer, Mati, Tomi and so many other friends and family that were always there, each in their own way, as they could. They grounded me and comforted me which is the best remedy they can offer you when your life changes completely.

Sad to say, but without a doubt, these life situations also capitalize us, although the opportunity cost is as extreme as that of the loss.

Agustina died on April 17, 2017, just after Easter, her soul so wise that she chose the “autumn to let go”…

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A week later, my great friends Luisi and Chicha who live in Neuquén came to visit me and I asked them to accompany me. The hill called me and I wanted to go with them, friends who understood this situation so much, to fight for life and give love. It was time to choose where to leave her ashes.

On April 21, 2017, the three of us left for the mountain. To have the company of friends like them is always good. An hour\’s journey from the city and many mates later we arrived at the parking lot of the reserve. Just by going the first few steps on the path that takes you to the top, I began to find small stones of hearts. We could already feel how special it would be that day.  While we were still climbing, one heart I gave to Chicha, then I found another one and gave that one to Luisi, and so while thinking of Agustina, hundreds of hearts appeared on the road as if it were a true story, such as the \”Wizard of Oz.\”

 

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At the end of the tour, we stopped for a moment and looked at each other. The sun that day was passing through us; it was a very intense light. It was there when suddenly the pain I was carrying disappeared completely, a very strange sensation of great tranquility, I noticed it as never before, and had not feel that way for a long time.

But I still could not decide where to leave her remains. Then, minutes later, already thinking of returning, a new impulse made me go off the path. I then walked along the side of the hill, discovering as if I were a child the place where we would always visit Agustina. Without understanding what I was doing, I took a few steps until I could move no further. I stopped to observe the landscape and reflect, first with my eyes open, then I closed them… and I felt internally that Agustina had already chosen where to rest. I immediately reopened my eyes as I softly heard Chicha appear behind me and point to what was under my feet…another heart.

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All these experiences repeat themselves, particularly when I remember that Agustina is no longer here or when something has to be decided. I needed to learn how to go on and resume my life, how to be father and mother at the same time, even when there is no longer any desire and everything is so difficult it burns. In a year’s time I lost my wife, my partner and mentor Felix, and my father. But you can never give up, \”never stop\” I said. And the truth that, coming from someone like her, every difficulty took a new perspective. Nothing was worse than seeing her suffer for so long. It was time to understand that she was no longer with us, not on this earthly planet, but in my heart and mind, as a teacher and counselor. I have to remember her and fulfill what had once been a promise, to fulfill all our dreams in life.

With other nuances, at that time I was wondering what was happening. I wanted to try to understand why what happens to us happens, how we got here, how we continue on. But in the process, I discovered what I want to leave this world.

So it\’s time to take care, to keep this enormous promise, to take a new step, and make a new effort in order to overcome. To leave a message of life to Augustina and try to help people to be better, because after all, the world is one and we are only passengers.

See you on the road and I hope you will always find us together.

Luis